CrankyBuddhist   the learning never ends …

“Well, what would you expect after I starved you for over 36 hours and then stabbed you four times?”

My surgeon. What a jokester. I was trying to get a clue as to how long I might be laid up after my recent surgery. I have no clue about these things, because 1. I never get sick, and 2. I just don’t understand the concept of recuperation.

“But I’m supposed to start a job on Monday.”, I whined. I haven’t had a job in two years, so I was acting particularly pathetic.

Today is that very same Monday and I’m sitting at the desk at home writing blog posts.

I’ve always had very good health karma. Besides the teeth thing, but all things being relative and considering the state of my teeth DNA, I’d say my teeth karma was pretty good too. But the karma ran out last week. It’s great to have things go out with a bang. Just to let me know that hey baby, this phase is over.

Something new is about to begin.

What is it about the word social, when used in political conversations, and especially in conjunction with the word democracy, makes hackles, fangs, and long sharp claws appear?

In the US there has been a lot of talk both in and out of the metaverse about national healthcare, which is, let’s face it, socialized medicine by another name. When it’s called national healthcare it’s a topic for conversation. When it’s called socialized medicine, it’s a topic for scorn. God forbid we might think it a compassionate thing to take care of our neighbor, or ourselves, in time of need.

There was a really good article on alternet.org that I read yesterday – Why Does Everyone Bow Down to the Health Insurance Industry? by Barbara Ehrenreich.

Bow your heads and raise the white flags. After facing down the Third Reich, the Japanese Empire, the U.S.S.R., Manuel Noriega and Saddam Hussein, the United States has met an enemy it dares not confront — the American private health insurance industry. … An estimated 18,000 Americans die every year because they can’t afford or can’t qualify for health insurance. That’s the 9/11 carnage multiplied by three — every year.

She also calls the American health care insurance system what it is – extortion.

We may have fucked up a bit with the Welfare system, which would have worked better with a different set of rules. I think it is the memory of that system more than any other that scares The Suits when social medicine becomes a topic of conversation. The Suits think we are asking for a handout. But we aren’t talking about supporting a single mom who keeps having kids to get more free money from the government. We’re talking about the approximately 47 million Americans without health insurance having the ability to go to the doctor to get stitches instead of pulling a tube of Krazy Glue out of the drawer and gluing themselves back together. We’re talking about being able to go to the dentist instead of walking around with festering holes in our heads. And oh yes, I might be able to get an appointment six months from now to go to the free clinic to get that check up for cervical cancer I am supposed to have every six months, but if the test comes back positive, well, it’s time to get the will in order, such as it will be.

We’re talking about caring for our people. Every single one, on an equal basis.

It’s the first step to becoming an enlightened society.

There’s nothing like a food poisoning exorcism to make me look death in the face … or so it seems.

So let’s forget the last post while reading this one, just for Unconfusion’s sake.

As I was ramping up to stomach cramps, just at bedtime on Tuesday night, I had to ask myself what is that sensation? You see, I rarely get sick. I can’t remember the last time I was sick. So when stomach cramps hit, actually it felt like I was being gutted with a really sharp filet knife, my mind started reacting like Q in that episode of Star Trek TNG (Deja Q) when he had hunger pangs.

Even though I rarely get sick, when I do my usual M.O. is sheer panic. The only end result that can come out of being sick is death, right? I mean if someone so healthy succombs to a germ, well, there’s no hope left.

This time I did not feel myself panic. I just said ‘Oh fuck.’ I mean just that afternoon I had asked God to either kill me before my teeth fell out, or to please cure me of my vanity. Many of my friends my age, I am finding out are gettting false teeth, and I’ve always had teeth problems. By that evening I had only supposed that my prayer was being answered. There is no hope for my vanity.

I will spare all the details of the last three days. But I had great opportunity to contemplate dying in a chair alone at the emergency room. Although, I only thought about going to the emergency room.

But the important thing about it was, I was not panicked. I was not afraid. The situation did not scare me. It just was. And then it wasn’t.

I’m an incredibly healthy person. My aches and pains have been, for the most part, just a physical reaction to overworking my body in dance class or hiking or cleaning out the storage unit.

But I just spent the last three weeks sleeping on beds that aren’t mine. My back is killing me, so now, back at my regular house, I’m back to sleeping on the floor. It will take awhile but the back will be better soon.

I know this.

But I wondered how I would feel if I didn’t know this.

I sat outside in the sun today and wondered how I would feel if I had this much pain and knew there would be no end to it. Not being able to bend over to pick something up off of the floor ever again. Having each step be an effort for the rest of my life. Barely having the ability to carry the groceries home three blocks from the grocery store.

Yes, I can still walk. But taking a mis-step sends pain rippling up and down my spine.

I have never thought that euthanasia is an option to get out of body pain or dysfunction. There must be some sort of deep karmic debt accrued for opting out when the going gets rough. On the other hand, wouldn’t living and working through the pain give someone gobs of karmic brownie points? I mean, that has always been my way of thinking.

But as I sat and contemplated my back pain, I wondered about those people who just can’t bear it any longer. My back pain is trivial in comparison to what some people go through, yet I find myself thinking, I think I can now understand why someone would consider their exit strategy. It’s not for me, but I think I can now understand it instead of judge it.