CrankyBuddhist   the learning never ends …

Things I’ve been wanting to write about, but haven’t had the time to focus on any one thing.

Rudeness. People think I’m rude, and tell me so all of the time. I don’t care. It’s not my problem. These same people do things that I think are rude all of the time, but they feel these things are their god-given rights. Like what, you ask? Like this … They shorten my full name into a nickname. God I hate that. They run stop signs on their bicycles. They let their bad ass dogs run the streets off leash. They hog the sidewalk when walking with their friends. They talk on their cell phones while they are walking on an otherwise nice quiet street, or driving in their car, or in the bookstore. They push their way in line in front of me at Whole Foods because they have one thing and I have two things. They don’t pay attention to others needs. They don’t teach their kids how to act in public. That’s enough for now …

Eccentricity. I’ve been thinking a lot about living in my own little world. People tell me all of the time that I live in my own little world. And when I thought about this for awhile, mostly while in the shower, I realized that my world is not my own nor is it little. It’s actually quite big and everyone would fit in it if they chose to do so. I realized that the world we all try to live in is the one that is quite small and limited.

Flakiness. Where is my paycheck? Payday was a week and three days ago.

Work. Why haven’t I been able to support myself by doing things that I love to do? Especially when I feel that I was meant to do them?

Teeth. I really need to find a new dentist. Actually I really need to find a job that has benefits.

Remember. I registered for a dharma talk this coming Friday. Sakyong Mipham is in town. Now I just have to remember to go to it. I so rarely find out about dharma talks ahead of the event.

Change. I need to make some changes.

OK, that’s all that’s been whirling around in the tag cloud of my mind the past week or so.

Feels good to get it out :)

There’s nothing like a food poisoning exorcism to make me look death in the face … or so it seems.

So let’s forget the last post while reading this one, just for Unconfusion’s sake.

As I was ramping up to stomach cramps, just at bedtime on Tuesday night, I had to ask myself what is that sensation? You see, I rarely get sick. I can’t remember the last time I was sick. So when stomach cramps hit, actually it felt like I was being gutted with a really sharp filet knife, my mind started reacting like Q in that episode of Star Trek TNG (Deja Q) when he had hunger pangs.

Even though I rarely get sick, when I do my usual M.O. is sheer panic. The only end result that can come out of being sick is death, right? I mean if someone so healthy succombs to a germ, well, there’s no hope left.

This time I did not feel myself panic. I just said ‘Oh fuck.’ I mean just that afternoon I had asked God to either kill me before my teeth fell out, or to please cure me of my vanity. Many of my friends my age, I am finding out are gettting false teeth, and I’ve always had teeth problems. By that evening I had only supposed that my prayer was being answered. There is no hope for my vanity.

I will spare all the details of the last three days. But I had great opportunity to contemplate dying in a chair alone at the emergency room. Although, I only thought about going to the emergency room.

But the important thing about it was, I was not panicked. I was not afraid. The situation did not scare me. It just was. And then it wasn’t.